So I’m posting this after the Christmas and New Years holidays. With little success in meeting someone from dating apps, I decided to delete them from my phone. Why? Because I found myself obsessing over trying to meet someone. So much so I was waking up and immediately checking my dating apps, checking them every few hours while I was taking a break or had nothing to do (alternative to Facebook I suppose), and then before I went to bed at night. In total I would say I was spending anywhere between 4-6 hours per day. That is crazy!!
I so want to meet someone that I found myself addicted to checking the apps. Concerned that if I didn’t that I could potentially be missing out on finding someone. Let’s be honest, while the world of dating apps has opened up more opportunities to meet someone, it has also opened up to becoming more competitive to attract someone.
Initially, with POF, I tried the Bumble approach asking for girls to contact me. I had a couple of messages, but none from girls I was compatible with. Then I tried adding them as favourites to attract them to check out my profile. I had views but no messages. I then went to the standard approach which is messaging girls I was interested in. This resulted in messages being unreplied to, with the very rare courtesy “Thanks, but no thanks” reply message.
While I didn’t resort to the cringe worthy single word ‘hi’ message, I came close to some. Why? Because I was finding that there were a number of profiles that simply had the About Me section with very little information. Some only had “Ask me”.
Girls want guys to message them first. Guys, after reading the girls profile, sends the girl a message asking about her and referring to parts of her profile, asking questions. Girl receives numerous messages from guys, many of whom they’re not interested in. Girl sends a polite ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ reply. Guy is frustrated and replies with a verbal tirade. So now the girl doesn’t reply to all the messages, just to those she is interested in. Guy who doesn’t receive a reply back sends more messages to girls, but as the girls don’t reply, he doesn’t go to the effort of a genuine message as these remain unanswered. So the guy sends an incredibly brief message, potentially only ‘hi’, so the girl will check out his profile. The guy may only provide a brief message because there simply isn’t much in the girl’s profile to actually reference for conversation ie I enjoy family, I like to travel, looking for someone to start out as friends. So he not only sends messages to only specific girls, but sends them to a lot of girls to increase his chances of a response rate. Now the girls are being bombarded by not just a few messages from guys, but numerous messages from guys (or perhaps this is what the girl needs for validation, I know guys who do the same on Tinder!). Not only are the messages from guys they’re not interested in, but there only content is ‘hi’. Girl get frustrated with POF because she is being bombarded by messages from guy’s she is not interested in. Guy is getting frustrated at girls not messaging back.
Why don’t girls just message guys they’re interested in first. This removes this whole issue!
Also, are we all waiting for something better? Do our expectations exceed reality? Are guys seeking out Scarlet Johanson and girls Channing Tatum? I replied to girls I wasn’t interested in saying that I was happy to meet for a coffee, but only as friends. Am I as guilty as everyone else of this?
The end result is through obsession, addiction perhaps, of finding someone, I was spending too much time on dating apps. I need to get my time, life if you will, back from this easily accessible electronic cupid cocaine.