So you want to send a message to someone you have seen on Plenty of Fish. But how should you write the message to improve your chances of a reply? Or you have received a message and want to continue the conversation.

First, does your profile and their profile have something you can write to them about? I wrote an article “Writing an original POF profile” as to what you should include to encourage receiving quality messages. Does their profile have a question you can answer? What is in their profile that is unique about that person? This is what you will want to include in that first message! What was it that got your attention in their profile.

  1. Guy’s, girls don’t want the first message to be ‘hi’
  2. Guys, girls don’t want you telling them how hot they look.
  3. Start the message using the person’s name such as “Hi Lisa” or “Hi John”. This tells them you have read their profile. Using someones name is also more engaging then ‘Hi’.
  4. Use what’s in the persons profile. What is unique about them or replying to their question. Yes, this requires reading their profile. Personally, I don’t write to girls where there is nothing in their profile or it is very simple. I especially don’t message girl’s with the About Me section saying “Ask me”. That tells me she didn’t put any thought in or its a scammer. Keep this to only 1 or 2 sentences. For example “Hi Lisa, I really liked that you have a passion for doing volunteer work with the disabled.”
  5. You should follow with a question about the person to respond back with. Ideally this should be something in their profile asking about something that is unique about them. For example “What book are you currently reading?”
  6. The reply message should be similar, a reply to their question followed by a question to continue the conversation. “Hi John, Yes I have a love for reading and I’m currently reading Game of Thrones. I really love the books as well as the TV series. have you read the books or seen the TV series? You enjoy bike riding. What is one of your favorite riding destinations?”


By reading the other persons profile you can see what their interests are and what is unique about them. From this you can send a simple message to start the conversation. This is why an original profile is so important. Placing a question at the end of the message gives the person receiving the message something to reply back with. Likewise if they have shown an interest in your profile and want to continue to receive a message back they should include a question to reply with.

if you want to stop messaging someone read the article “POF messaging etiquette- Should I reply?”


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